I graduated from college and got married not long after. When my wife and I moved to a different city, it necessitated joining a new parish. We struggled to make friends and form community. Few people welcomed us in. Nobody reached out to us. Other young couples ignored us (and each other). So, after a year of waiting for others to lead, we decided to take the initiative ourselves.

We gathered other young couples and started to build relationships. This was the point where we started to form new friendships and learn how to live in the wider parish community. We didn’t necessarily like all the other couples in the group. We struggled with our pastor and some other parishioners. At the same time, we grew as disciples, by being challenged to live out our faith. We started to learn about authentic Catholic community and just how messy it could be.

At this point, I am supposed to tell you all the tricks to making amazing community where we all hold hands and love each other. But, that isn’t what happened and not even what community is supposed to look like. In other words, we need to stop looking for utopia, which doesn’t exist, and embrace the messy necessity of doing the hard work that is required to form authentic Catholic community.

BROKEN AND REDEEMED

Humanity is broken, wounded, sinful, and messed up. It is also beautiful, redeemed, and loved by God. This means that every single community (this side of heaven) will be the same. Mixed up in both human failures and God's grace. This comes with good and bad attached, with no way to do it differently.

So, what does Christian community look like? A big mess, with Jesus in the middle.

Why is it so hard for Catholic parishes, organizations, apostolates, etc to help form Christian community? We are sinners.

But, that isn’t the end of the story. We shouldn’t just settle for dysfunction. 

In and of itself, the word “community” means several things:

• A group who live near one another or who share common goals.
• A fellowship with others who share common interests, goals, or beliefs.

The second is closer to what we are aiming at, in regards to Catholic community. Still, community can be found in clubs, gyms, neighborhoods, schools, politics, etc. We don’t need Jesus to have community, do we? Yes and no. Christian community is supposed to be something more than just gathering with like-minded folks. More than just friendships.

AUTHENTIC CATHOLIC COMMUNITY

In fact, Catholic community is supposed to look more like a family than a club. It isn’t about always agreeing with or getting along with others. It isn’t about always being friends. It is about loving and caring for each other, even those that don’t like you (and/or you don’t like).

This is what the community of the early Church looked like. They spent time together, in fact they spent a lot of time together. We may not be able to spend as much time together, but without time there is no community. Look at how believers gathered together in Acts 2. Read the epistles of Paul and imagine spending that much time with other people you go to Mass with and yet wouldn’t dream of being friends with. Paul and his companions argued and yet still served together. Sometimes they parted ways. But, they still supported the mission of the Church. They lived in community, where they met regularly, prayed together, served side-by-side, held each other accountable, and knew one another. 

The community of the early Church doesn’t generally look like our parishes currently do. First of all, authentic Catholic community isn't a bubble. It is supposed to reach out to others. It is supposed to draw others to the Sacraments. It is supposed to be for the good of the world, not just those going to Mass. It also needs more intention. More trust, so we can be accountable to one another. More time.

This might shock many - but community is NOT the goal. 

• Jesus is the goal. 
• Heaven is the goal. 
• Holiness is the goal. 

But, we can’t fully achieve these goals without authentic Christian community. When we focus our lives on Jesus, heaven, and holiness, (and find others who are doing the same), community can follow. Notice, it doesn’t necessarily happen, but it is possible. The table is set for it to happen. Still, there has to be initiative and intention.

This is why we have so little community in Catholic circles today. We focus on “fellowship”, “community”, “relationships”, “small groups”, etc. We have events and programs, but little investment. Even less do we have intention and intiative in relationships. We then miss out on real community (because we have probably never really experience what it is supposed to look like ) AND we focus on something less than what our real goal ought to be - Communion with Jesus, alongside one another. 

We are not complete without others. We need each other. We are part of the Church, which Paul calls the “body of Christ”.

THE SHIFTING TIDE

It happens to everyone. Like being caught in a tide you didn't feel until you notice that you are far away from the shore - our spiritual lives, friendships, prayer, virtuous living, habits, etc - can all drift on us. Think of the changes you see when you go to a class or family reunion. But, the spouses of those you see the change don’t see it the same way, because they see that person every day. We may not even realize radical change has happened for a long time. 

This drifting has happened in our culture as well. We are drifting farther and farther away from the Christian understanding of community, holiness, sexuality, charity, morality, etc. Furthermore, our parishes and Catholic groups are not immune from this drifting. We see our parishes and organizations drifting along in the cultural current and it sometimes takes a prophetic voice to show us that the way we are living isn’t what God wants from us.

Our own desires, feelings, thoughts, and comfort are sometimes substituted for Catholic teaching, holiness, and mission. If it makes us too uncomfortable, we shun it. I am certainly not immune from such things.

So, what does authentic Catholic community look like? It is a difficult mess, wrapped up in grace. More like a family.

FAMILY

It isn’t easy and takes a lot of hard work. Folks who are invested for the long haul (think decades). Ready to invest in one another. People who aren’t going to parish hop when things get bad, just like you don't leave the house because of a few arguments (note - there are valid reasons for changing a parish that I am not addressing here). Folks who are going to reach out and take initiative to serve others. People who are willing to invest deeply in a handful of others, then influence more.

Still, community is not friendship and friendship is not community. There is interplay between the two, but they are not the same thing. Community is wider, friendships are smaller. So, while you ought to form friendships within a community, not everyone in the community needs to be your friend. This lifts some of the burden off of us. While we are called to love and serve all in the Christian community, we don’t have to be super close to everyone. So, we can now see that community is not just about me and my friends. It is about “we”. We need each other. We need the person that annoys us. We need the difficult people. 

Just like the fact that siblings have to grow up in the same house and it is good for them to do so. We need others that challenge us. We need to be pushed to love those who are hard to love. This is why we need a community that is larger than just friends.

Just as you can’t be a disciple of Jesus when you live a life apart from him, you can’t be a part of Christian community and live apart from others (or Jesus). We need to have a bigger picture and part of what parishes need to do is try to foster authentic community and not just events and programs. These things can help start community, but without intentional leadership that has a vision for the long haul, it probably won't happen.

We don’t need novelty. We need authenticity.

Catholics understand the need for others. We rely on the Saints and leaders of our Church to help us understand prayer, theology, Scripture, the Sacraments, etc. In the same way, we need to mine the depths of the great Catholics who have come before us in terms of community. How did they live, serve, and pray together?

Let us pray that we can truly grow in community. Not a false veneer of it. A community where we can learn to be saints, together. Where we can love Jesus, be challenged to grow, pray together, live side-by-side, and serve each other. This is community. It is messy and necessary.