While still newlyweds, my wife and I moved to a different city, which necessitated joining a new parish. We struggled to make friends and find a community. Nobody intentionally welcomed us in. Nobody reached out to us. Nobody initiated a relationship with us. We tried to get our foot in the door and were pushed out. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon experience for those trying to crack into a new Catholic parish. Even so, after a year of waiting for others to welcome us and help us, we decided to take the initiative ourselves.

We found and gathered a few other young couples and started to build relationships. We decided to meet regularly as a newly-married couples group. We didn’t really know how to do it well, but knew something needed to be done, even if very imperfectly. At the same time, we grew as disciples, by being challenged to live out our faith. We started to learn about an authentic Catholic community and just how hard it could be.

BROKEN AND REDEEMED

Humanity is broken, wounded, sinful, and messed up. It is also beautiful, redeemed, and loved by God. This means that every single community (this side of heaven) will be the same. Mixed up in both human failures and God's grace. This comes with good and bad attached, with no way to do it differently.

God is a communion (or community if you like) of persons. Father, Son, and Spirit. The lover, the beloved, and the love between them. We are made in God’s image and likeness. Part of this imaging of God that we are called to includes living with others in community. Authentic human relationships. But, unlike God, we mess it up ALL THE TIME!

So, what does a strong Catholic community look like? A big mess, with Jesus in the middle.

But, that isn’t the end of the story. We shouldn’t just settle for dysfunction.

In and of itself, the word “community” means several things:

• A group who live near one another or who share common goals.
• A fellowship with others who share common interests, goals, or beliefs.

The second is closer to what we are aiming at, in regards to a Catholic community. Still, community can be found in clubs, gyms, neighborhoods, schools, politics, etc. We don’t need Jesus to have community, do we? Yes and no. Christian community is supposed to be something more than just gathering with like-minded folks. More than just friendships. 

STRONG CATHOLIC COMMUNITY

In fact, a Catholic community is supposed to look more like a family than a club. It isn’t about always agreeing with or getting along with others. It is about loving and caring for each other, even those that don’t like you (and/or you don’t like).

This is what the community of the early Church looked like. They spent time together, in fact they spent a lot of time together. We may not be able to spend as much time together, but without time there is no community. Look at how believers gathered together in Acts 2. Read the epistles of Paul and imagine spending that much time with other people you go to Mass with and yet wouldn’t dream of being friends with. Paul and his companions argued and yet still served together. Sometimes they parted ways. But, they still supported the mission of the Church. They lived in a community, where they met regularly, prayed together, served side-by-side, held each other accountable, and knew one another.

The community of the early Church doesn’t generally look like our parishes currently do. First of all, authentic Catholic community isn't a bubble. It is supposed to reach out to others. It is supposed to draw others to the Sacraments. It is supposed to be for the good of the world, not just those going to Mass. It also needs more intention. More trust, so we can be accountable to one another. More time.

This might shock many - but community is NOT the goal. 

• Jesus is the goal. 
• Heaven is the goal. 
• Holiness is the goal. 

But, we can’t fully achieve these goals without a strong Catholic community. When we focus our lives on Jesus, heaven, and holiness, (and do it alongside and with others who are doing the same), community may follow. Notice, it doesn’t necessarily happen, but it is possible. The table is set for it to happen. Still, there has to be initiative and intention.

This is why we have so little community in Catholic circles today. We focus on “fellowship”, “community”, “relationships”, “small groups”, etc. We have events and programs, but little investment. Even less do we have intention and initiative in relationships. We then miss out on real community (because we have probably never really experienced what it is supposed to look like ) AND we focus on something less than what our real goal ought to be - Communion with Jesus, alongside one another.

We are not complete without others. Most folks know this. Yet many still remain stuck. Below are five steps to building strong Catholic community that I have found helpful.

FIVE STEPS TO BUILDING STRONG CATHOLIC COMMUNITY

Step 1 - INITIATE
As newlyweds, my wife and I discovered that we couldn’t wait for others to initiate relationships. We had to step out of our comfort zones and lead. We were ill-equipped. We didn’t know what we were doing. We were generally younger than the people around us. We had little practical leadership experience or skill. It still worked. God showed up. Lives were changed.

Never undervalue the power of merely trying something. 

About a decade ago, I felt called to do more with men who were in my age-group. I started to initiate with them. I realized that they wanted a stronger community as well, but were doing the same thing I was - waiting for others.

All it took to launch into a stronger community and relationships was someone to start. To initiate! Don’t wait for others (including parish leadership). Take the initiative and start. What should you start? See the next steps..

Step 2 - INTERCEDE
Who are you praying for every day? Does this list need to grow? Most folks would say their prayer list could use a few more names. If we are followers of Jesus, then we can’t downplay the power of prayer. It is the avenue by which we open ourselves up to the power of God to make a spiritual impact in the lives of others.

If we really want to build strong Catholic communities, then we need to be people who are committed to pray for those in the community we long to have. These include names we may not even know yet.

Stop right now. Really. Pray for those that need to be added to your daily prayer list.

Step 3 - INVITE
The simplicity of an invitation cannot be overstated. Don’t you like it when others invite you to lunch, coffee, or a party? What about getting invited to these things in a regular manner? If we regularly invite others to spend time with us, then not only does it show that we want them to be a part of our lives, but that we care. The simple fact is that most people are waiting on an invitation.

The statistics bear this out - a good 43% of non-practicing Catholics would consider returning to the practice of the faith. But, what if they never get an invitation to do so? Extrapolating to those who do practice, we might say that many who are going to Mass, but have no real connection to deep spiritual friendships and/or the wider Catholic community are merely waiting for an invitation.

It is a simple as introducing yourself to someone at Mass, having a short conversation, then ending it with an invitation to get together sometime (lunch, dinner at your house, coffee, etc.).

We need not overthink this, we just need to do it more.

The men I started to initiate with over a decade ago, I started to invite to things. Many of them are now some of my best friends. Men who will carry my casket if I die before them.

Step 4 - INVEST
Investing in others is where the real rubber meets the road. It isn’t easy and takes a lot of hard work and time. Folks who are invested for the long haul (think years and decades) must be ready to invest deeply and patiently. These are the people who aren’t going to parish hop when things get bad, just like you don't leave the house because of a few arguments (note - there are valid reasons for changing a parish that I am not addressing here). Folks who invest in others and a real community are going to think more about others and how to serve them - rather than ask “what do I get out of it?”. These are the people who are willing to invest deeply in a handful of others, but with a vision for going on mission to reach even more..

Just as you can’t be a disciple of Jesus when you live a life apart from him, you can’t be a part of Christian community and live apart from others (or Jesus). We need to have a bigger picture and part of what parishes (and those of us building community in neighborhoods, work, etc) need to do is try to foster authentic community and not just events and programs. These things can help start to build community, but without intentional leadership that has a vision for the long haul, it probably won't happen.

Step 5 - INTENTIONALLY IMPACT
If we want to have an impact on the lives of others. If we want to be the instruments that God uses to change hearts. If we want to build a real Catholic community, then we need a God's vision for how we need to operate.

To live out God's vision, we should do what Jesus did. We need to have intentionality in our relationships. They can’t just stay on the surface, but we also can’t jump into deep issues without being patient with the process of getting to know each other, building trust, sharing vulnerability, having intimacy, then being accountable to one another. It takes time and a proper vision of where you are going. So, what is your strategy and how do you mean to use it? If you need help in developing one, then look to Jesus. He initiated with others. He interceded for them. He invited them to something more. He invested in them. He was intentional and thus had a profound impact on them. He spent a lot of time with folks, grew the relationships, challenged others, held them accountable, let them fail, forgave them, gave them real opportunities to minister to others, etc. We need to do the same.

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Finally remember this, we cannot have a Catholic community with others, if we don’t first have an intimate relationship with Jesus.

“You cannot live well without a friend, and if Jesus be not your friend above all else, you will be very sad and desolate. Thus, you are acting foolishly if you trust or rejoice in any other. Choose the opposition of the whole world rather than offend Jesus. Of all those who are dear to you, let Him be your special love. Let all things be loved for the sake of Jesus, but Jesus for His own sake. Jesus Christ must be loved alone with a special love for He alone, of all friends, is good and faithful. For Him and in Him you must love friends and foes alike, and pray to Him that all may know and love Him.”
-Thomas a Kempis