If we made a list of commonly used Catholic buzzwords, then we have to put “accompaniment” near the top. It is used in a lot of different ways and many uses are rather nebulous. I hope to dig a bit deeper in this blog about what the term is really supposed to mean for us as Catholic evangelists and leaders.

The term accompaniment was made popular by Pope Francis, but the idea of journeying with others has been part of the tradition of the Church since the beginning. The basic idea is to walk alongside another spiritually. In terms of pastoral ministry, evangelization, and discipleship, this means to walk with someone toward a spiritual goal (e.g., conversion, heaven, holiness, etc). It isn’t walking in front of or behind, but beside. This tells us a lot about what accompaniment is not.

To accompany another, one is NOT just:

• a buddy - though it has relationship at the core of it all.
• a tour guide - though one might need to help map a way forward.
• a teacher - though it has truth which ought to be proclaimed.
• ot a counselor - though it involves listening and understanding.
• a confessor - though it involves honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity.
• a chaperone - though it helps set boundaries, where appropriate.
• a spiritual director - though it involves spiritual growth.
• an apologist - though it will involve answering questions.

So, what does it look like? The story of the road to Emmaus (Luke 24) gives us some context. In it we find:

• All involved (Jesus and the 2 disciples) take part in the conversation. While Jesus helps lead the conversation, he allows the other two to set the topic of conversation.
• They walk side-by-side and listen to one another’s thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. Notice that Jesus starts by coming alongside the two men and begins the conversation by asking a question.
• Relationship / Friendship is built on trust and time together. After a while, they were (at least) intrigued by Jesus and invited him to stay with them longer.
• The goal is to help others come to believe in God, be converted, and help one another become disciples or grow as disciples. We note that the story starts with “their faces being downcast” and ends with “their hearts burning”.

In commenting on this story, Pope Francis reminds us that the two disciples eventually went back to Jerusalem to proclaim that Jesus was truly risen. By having Jesus intentionally accompany these men, the outcome was a conversion. There was a definite outcome of accompaniment. This is also the outcome the Church needs today:

"We need a Church capable of walking at people’s side, of doing more than simply listening to them; a Church which accompanies them on their journey; a Church able to make sense of the “night” contained in the flight of so many of our brothers and sisters from Jerusalem; a Church which realizes that the reasons why people leave also contain reasons why they can eventually return. But we need to know how to interpret, with courage, the larger picture. Jesus warmed the hearts of the disciples of Emmaus.

"I would like all of us to ask ourselves today: are we still a Church capable of warming hearts? A Church capable of leading people back to Jerusalem? Of bringing them home? Jerusalem is where our roots are: Scripture, catechesis, sacraments, community, friendship with the Lord, Mary and the apostles… Are we still able to speak of these roots in a way that will revive a sense of wonder at their beauty?"
-Pope Francis

When we accompanyanother person, here are several elements that can help guide the relationship:

1. Intentionality. If you don’t have an intentional purpose for why you are in the relationship, then you will never be able to properly accompany anyone. The clear purpose of making disciples of Jesus needs to be at the forefront of every part of the relationship.
2. Availability to the other. You can’t exactly grow in a relationship if you are not available to one another. This means making time for one another and prioritizing the time it takes to build such a relationship.
3. Authenticity. To grow closer to God together, you will have to be authentic with one another. This means showing that you are trustworthy, reliable, and personable. Another way to put this - don’t be so weird that you turn others off to Jesus or the Church.
4. Vulnerability. After you start to build up a relationship, there needs to be an appropriate level of vulnerability. This doesn’t mean bearing your deepest secrets, but rather taking off the masks that we sometimes hide behind and showing the reality of who we are.
5. Accountability between one another. Once we are vulnerable, we can start to have real accountability. Accountability isn’t a wagging of the finger when someone messes up, but a holding up of one another to the goals that we each set for ourselves and ask the other to help hold us to.
6. Responsibility to the Gospel. To be a disciple means to have a mission. Every Christian disciple should have the Gospel at the core of their mission. This means every disciple needs to take on their own shoulders a part of the responsibility we have in sharing Good News.

"I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  (John 13:35)

How did Jesus love his disciples? By living life with them for 3 years. For knowing them deeply, by teaching them, by being an example to them on how to live out their vocation. By holding them accountable. By challenging them. By training them. By forgiving them. By accompanying them. By going to parties with them. By traveling with them. By being a leader for them and then commissioning them to do the same thing with others. By having clarity of purpose.

“Although it sounds obvious, spiritual accompaniment must lead others ever closer to God, in whom we attain true freedom. Some people think they are free if they can avoid God; they fail to see that they remain existentially orphaned, helpless, homeless. They cease being pilgrims and become drifters, flitting around themselves and never getting anywhere. To accompany them would be counterproductive if it became a sort of therapy supporting their self-absorption and ceased to be a pilgrimage with Christ to the Father.”
-Pope Francis

SINFUL YET SAVED
Humanity is broken, wounded, sinful, and messed up. It is also beautiful, redeemed, and loved by God. This means that every single human relationship (this side of heaven) will be the same. Mixed up in both human failures and God's grace. This comes with good and bad attached, with no way to do it differently.

So, what does accompaniment look like? A relationship that involves purpose, sin, forgiveness, mercy, grace, accountability, joy, suffering, and everything else that life brings with it. In other words, a mess with Jesus as the goal.

Why is it so hard for Catholic parishes, organizations, apostolates, etc to help form disciples who are able to accompany others? First of all, we don't have a culture of accompaniment. Second, we are sinners. We think about ourselves. We are isolated. our institutions are set up to do programs, events, and classes - they are not set up to form Catholic disciples to be on mission to the world that needs the Gospel.

But, that isn’t the end of the story. We shouldn’t just settle for dysfunction. 

AUTHENTIC CATHOLIC ACCOMPANIMENT
In fact, Catholic accompaniment is supposed to be more of a deep relationship than a project or a club. It isn’t about always agreeing with or getting along with others. It isn’t about always being best friends. It is about loving and caring for each other.

This is what the early Church looked like. They spent time together, in fact they spent a lot of time together. We may not be able to spend as much time together, but without time there is no community. Look at how believers gathered together in Acts 2. Read the epistles of Paul and imagine spending that much time with other people. Paul and his companions traveled together, worked together, ate together, slept in the same places, argued, got imprisoned, and yet still served together. Sometimes they parted ways. But, they still supported the mission of the Church. They lived in a community, where they met regularly, prayed together, served side-by-side, held each other accountable, and knew one another. They eventually went on mission together, in order to accompany others.

The relationships of the early Church doesn’t generally look like our Catholic relationships currently do. First of all, authentic Catholic accompaniment isn't just done in a bubble. It is supposed to reach out to others. It is supposed to draw others to the Sacraments. It is supposed to be for the good of the world, not just those going to Mass. It also needs more intention. More trust, so we can be accountable to one another. More time.
Yet neither relationships nor accompaniment are the goal. 
Jesus is the goal. 
Heaven is the goal. 
Holiness is the goal. 

But, we can’t fully achieve these goals without authentic Christian accompaniment. When we focus our lives on Jesus, heaven, and holiness, we are then able to intentionally walk with others. 

This is why we have so little community in Catholic circles today. We focus on “fellowship”, “community”, “relationships”, “small groups”, etc. We have events and programs, but little investment. Even less do we have intention and initiative in relationships. We just don’t have true accompaniment. 

We then miss out on real community (because we have probably never really experience what it is supposed to look like ) AND we focus on something less than what our real goal ought to be - Communion with Jesus, alongside one another. 

We are not complete without others. We need each other. We are part of the Church, which Paul calls the “body of Christ”.

ACCOMPANIMENT WITH PURPOSE
Just as you can’t be a disciple of Jesus when you live a life apart from him, you can’t be a part of Christian community and live apart from others. We need to have a bigger picture and part of what the Church (and world) need right now is models of what accompaniment is supposed to look like. Not just more events, classes, and programs. Relationships don’t just happen because you gather people together.

We don’t need novelty or more stuff going on at our parishes.
We need authenticity, intentionality, and depth in relationships - in our day-to-day lives as disciples.

Catholics understand the need for others. We rely on the Saints and leaders of our Church to help us understand prayer, theology, Scripture, the Sacraments, etc. In the same way, we need to mine the depths of the great Catholics who have come before us in terms of accompaniment. How did they live, serve, work, and pray together? What were the outcomes and fruit of their relationships? What can we learn from how they accompanied one another?

Let us pray that we can truly grow in accompanying one another toward heaven. Not a false veneer of relationships. But, real intentional relationships where we can learn to be saints, together. Where we can love Jesus, be challenged to grow, pray together, live side-by-side, and serve each other.
This is accompaniment. It is messy and necessary.