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I sometimes think the Apostles were complete knuckleheads. How could you watch Jesus raise people from the dead, heal the blind, change water to wine, walk on water, and more...yet doubt or be afraid? Then I realize that I have met the same Jesus and I do the same thing. I have seen Jesus save lives (including my own), heal relationships, free addicts, and more...yet I doubt and am afraid sometimes too. In someways the 12 were knuckleheads and so are we. But, there is a reason Jesus chose 12 simple and doubtful men to be our first Church leaders. It is because we need to see flawed and imperfect people (like us) mess up, be forgiven, receive grace, and become great saints and evangelists anyway. We need to see authenticity and vulnerability. In fact, our world needs to see it from us too.
QUESTIONS WHEN SCARED AND HURTING
Last month, I was in a hospital ICU bed with lots of fear starting to creep in. I had internal bleeding that was not stopping and had already passed out once from blood loss (causing the nurse to call a “code blue” when she thought I had a cardiac event). I asked God a lot of questions that night:- “Can you please make it stop?”
- “Why don’t you act?”
- “Where are you?”
- “Do you care?”
Looking back now, the answers seem so easy to provide. Of course he cares. Of course he was right there holding me close the entire time. In fact, he was moving powerfully in my life, even when he felt far away.
But those answers seemed trite and silly while suffering, scared, and doubtful. Not too long after, I was reminded of how I stand in utter need of God and how powerless I am to save myself. Furthermore, I was reminded that my questions are really universal to the human condition and we need to be more comfortable sharing our fears, doubts, anger, and hurt. When my priest friend came to annoint me, he asked me to picture Jesus holding me in his arms. I felt the healing balm of Jesus surround me and his heart move in love for me. I knew the answers at that moment. It was found when my friend when out of his way to be there for me. A friendship built on authenticity.
Herein lies the lesson - without Catholic disciples who are willing to live authentic lives and share their own vulnerability we won’t be able to reach the world that is crying out for examples of such things!
SILENCE DOESN’T WORK IN EVANGELIZATION
You are an inadequate example of a Christian disciple. So is every other disciple. That isn’t the point. God is bigger than our limitations and inadequacies and if there is one thing God wants it is for us to stop relying on our own power and allow him to work through us.
One of the ways God works through us is when we start to talk about our weaknesses. You see this over and over again with the letter St. Paul writes in the Bible. He talks about being the “least of the Apostles”, “foremost of sinners”, and more. This wasn’t just a false humility, but a realization that when Paul had a right understanding of who he really was (and who God really was), that was the point humility could take over. Once humbled, God was able to work through him. Humility is a right understanding of ourselves in light of who God is. Paul knew he was a redeemed sinner, a saint in the making, a true apostle in need of grace, and a limited human being. He also knew God was going to do big things through him IF he did what God asked. What God asked was authenticity in his conversations and relationships. Imagine what would have happened if Paul kept the message of the gospel to himself. Imagine if he wasn’t bold in his preaching. Imagine if he was silent. The fruit of evangelization required him to speak, but with humility and vulnerability. The same goes for us.
DROP THE MASKS
True authenticity and vulnerability need not be a counseling session, Confession, 12 step group, etc. In fact, it shouldn’t look like those things. It means sharing enough (but not too much) to let others know that the reality of discipleship is not all unicorns and rainbows, but includes crosses. In fact, we are told that part of what we ought to do is help others “count the cost” in discipleship (Luke 14:28). Following Jesus will cost us something. For each of us that cost is different. For the rich young man in Mark 10 it was the possessions he was attached to. For Peter and Andrew it was their Dad and the family business. For some it is friends of family. Whatever we leave behind, there is a kind of mourning that goes with it. Some may look back and long for what they left behind, wondering if the crosses they have now taken up are worth the losses. If that is the case, then our job is not to come provide platitudes, but accompaniment. It isn’t to just give answers, but our love. It isn’t just to be perfect examples of detachment, but to be good friends of those who are questioning and suffering.
Think of how Jesus approached the woman at the well (John 4). He unveiled her pain and wounds, in an honest but kind assessment of where her life was currently at. But, by the end of the conversation she was a transformed woman who ran into town to tell the rest of the world to come meet “ the man who told me everything I have ever done. ” Bringing her past into the light, then pouring grace on it, allowed her to become authentic and vulnerable herself. This authenticity led to the entire town coming out to meet Jesus and the transformation of many other lives.
She dropped her mask and we are called to do the same, if we want to reach souls for Jesus. Authenticity changes lives.
