A Secret Ingredient to Great Catholic Discipleship = Vulnerability

I remember the first time I told my wife that I loved her. It was a terrifying moment. We had been dating for several months and I fell head over heels for her, like no girl before. She clearly had won my heart, but there was an internal battle that raged over whether I should tell her how I felt about her or not.

On the one hand, I had everything to lose. If I revealed my love for her and it was rejected or not reciprocated, then I was vulnerable to being hurt.

On the other hand, the risk was worth the reward. If she was waiting on me to take the lead, then our relationship would take the next step. I did. She did. The rest is history.

Vulnerability is exposure to possible harm or risk. It is born out of weakness and our limitations. Each time we admit we are weak, we risk something. We are imperfect. We are sinners. We fail. We can’t do things perfectly. We have hurt God, others, and ourselves. We make mistakes. We are wounded and weak. Admitting these things takes courage. Being vulnerable takes courage and when we are too afraid to admit our weaknesses, we are unable to grow, in many ways. This is why we are meant to be vulnerable to God and some others.

Still, before we can be vulnerable with God and others, we have to trust them. This can be easier said than done. Some Christians believe being vulnerable with God ought to be easy for everyone, because God is the only truly trustworthy one. While this is objectively true, the subjective side of vulnerability is harder to see sometimes. Many people have false images of God. Others have trust issues. Some have little or no faith that God truly exists or if he does, that he is trustworthy. There can be many barriers to trusting God (and many more when it comes to trusting sinful people). But that doesn’t mean we ought not try. It is important to realize that vulnerability is the birthplace of intimacy and without intimacy, we cannot truly grow in relationship with others. This is the dynamic in a visual:

Trust -> Vulnerability -> Accountability -> Deep Relationship - > Love (Charity)

So, if we want to live lives of love, we need to start with trust that leads to vulnerability.

NOTE - this kind of vulnerability isn't counseling. It isn't just sharing feelings. It isn't dumping all your baggage on others. It isn't allowing yourself to merely be a victim. Rather, it is born out of love and done in the safety of trusting and real rlationships.

Once we are able to be vulnerable, we can then begin to be accountable to one another. From there, we build even deeper trust and friendship. This can then build into the highest form of love, which is an agape love - to choose what is best for the other, despite the cost to self. Vulnerability allows us to admit our own imperfection (and that of others) and yet accepts that we (and they) are still worthy of love.

Once we have been vulnerable, the relationship has room for:

• Confession of sins.
• A more virtuous life.
• Growth in humility.
• Perseverance in suffering.
• Solidarity with others who are suffering.
• Growth in kindness toward others.
• Courage to admit and then build upon your weakness
• Others to relate better to you and you to them

This is why vulnerability is so important in discipleship. If you want to really grow in love of God and help others do the same, then you will need to take the risk of allowing others to see your weakness. To be really courageous and humble enough to show your true self to others, even at the risk of being harmed. Discipleship can never really flourish until we have the kind of deep relationships that seek the good of the other. I have written much more on this and you can find some posts here, here, and here.

St. Paul talks about this in 1 Cor 12: 7-10:

“In order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Notice how vulnerable he is here, admitting he struggles. This is in imitation of Jesus, who showed complete vulnerability while hanging on a cross and dying for us. Jesus was tempted. He got sad and angry. He felt emotional pain and didn’t want to suffer - but did it anyway, because he loved us more than he feared pain or death. Jesus entire life was a model of vulnerability. He hung out with the outcast. He washed feet. He touched lepers. He opposed injustice. He turned social convention on its head.

There is always a risk in being vulnerable with God or others, but the reward is worth it all. When a leader is vulnerable, it allows others to do the same. It allows for connection and growth. Jesus model this for us and we have to do it for others.

CS Lewis wrote:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”